


H.O.L.Y.

by NicNack4U



Series: SPN Season 15 Codas [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Destiel is canon, F/M, H.O.L.Y. (Florida-Georgia Line), Love, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Other Supernatural Characters Mentioned - Freeform, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Sad, Sad Ending, Spoilers for Episode: s15e18 Despair, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicNack4U/pseuds/NicNack4U
Summary: The aftermath of Castiel's love confession and heroic sacrifice.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: SPN Season 15 Codas [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1549549
Kudos: 4





	H.O.L.Y.

**H.O.L.Y.**

_When the sun had left and the winter came_  
_And the sky fall to only bring the rain_  
_I sat in darkness_  
_All broken hearted_  
_I couldn't find a day I didn't feel alone_  
_I never meant to cry, started losing hope_

It had all happened so fast. Too fast. One moment they were running throughout the bunker from Billie, the next Cas was telling him he knew a way to stop her. Then, Cas was telling him all these things about how their enemies see him, and about how Cas himself saw him. 

Then came the biggest shock of all. Cas was in love with him. Castiel, Cas, his best friend and mighty seraph Angel of the Lord, was in love with _him,_ Dean Winchester, the biggest screw-up in, well... ever.

Huh?! Cas is - Cas was - .... in love. With _Dean!_ Him, Dean!

This did not compute in Dean's brain at that moment.

Then, things sped up. Dean wasn't given any time to talk with Cas about it. Cas gripped the shoulder his handprint used to be on and shoved him aside.

The supernatural hunter landed on the bunker's dungeon floor with a hard thud and nearly hit his head against the wall. He quickly sat upright with his back against the wall and was too shocked, too paralyzed to do or say anything.

A big black mass of goo - which must've been the true form of the Cosmic Entity, Dean'd quickly deduced - wrapped around Cas and spread out in a mockery of his former angelic wings. Then, it consumed every inch of Cas and Billie.

Then, that was that. The very last thing Dean ever got to see of Cas was his happy, loving smile he sent Dean's way one last time.

Dean could do nothing more than breathe heavily in shock as tears fell down his cheeks like rain. He ignored his phone ringing. 

It was probably Sam, anyway. Probably calling to tell him something about Eileen or the kid. He didn't care, not right then, anyway. Half of what he cared about was now gone. 

Despite no one being there with him, Dean covered his face as he mourned for his best friend. 

His best angelic friend who apparently was in love with him. 

For how long? When Cas's feelings for him begin? 

Why had he never told Dean?

And why did Cas say all those kind things to him? Surely he knew that none of it was true? Surely he must know that Dean truly is as their enemies see him? Daddy's blunt instrument, through and through, that's him. 

He ain't all kindness, rainbows, cookies and all that crap. Everyone who knows him knows that. 

So why had Cas said all those nice things to Dean?

Why did Cas...love him? Why does Cas see so much good in him? 

And, more importantly: _Why?_

Dean wished they had more time. More time for everything. More time to defeat Chuck and Billie together. More time to talk. 

More time to just _be_.

And now, they'd never get that chance. 

Dean had so many chances in the past to talk to Cas when he slightly suspected his angelic best friend was in love with him.

Looking back on it all now, Dean wanted to laugh bittersweetly at the hints of Cas's feeling for him.

Cas's siblings all knew. Their enemies, frenemies knew. Teased and taunted Dean with the knowledge of Cas's feelings for Dean.

Hell, even their friends and chosen family had known!

Did... Did Sammy know, too?

He had a strong, sneaking suspicion Jack knew. Cas took the deal to save Jack's life, after all. 

And now, he had saved Dean by cashing in on that deal. Fulfilled it by confessing feelings of romantic love to Dean.

What was Dean supposed to do with that information, now that he had it? Especially when he just got dragged into the angel and demon equivalent of the afterlife. 

He didn't even really know if Cas's feelings for him were requited! 

There were times - okay, a lot of times - where there was long, lingering looks between them. And almost-flirty talks. Flirty touches. Signs.

But, he didn't really _know_. 

Now, it was too late to talk things out. Too late to see if they could maybe work something out between them.

_Cas? You got your ears on, buddy? Can you even hear me anymore, over there in the Emtpty? Well, I hope you do, 'cause..._

_There's a lot I need to say._

He pointedly ignored the bloody handprint on his shoulder. 

Dean didn't know how much time passed. He heard Sam yelling his name and his big moose-feet stomping their way towards him, both of their phones ringing. Probably to lead him and Jack to Dean. 

They found him there, sitting listlessly against the dungeon wall.

"He's gone," Dean croaked. "Cas is gone, guys."

He took hiccupping breaths, tears still streaming down his face. Eyes completely bloodshot. 

Sam looked shocked, sad. Jack was resigned. 

Jack - they and Dean nodded at each other in devastating acceptance. 


End file.
